I'm Straight

I have received a lot of hate mail from females. And a lot of mail (male) from males asking me if I'm gay.

The fact is that I'm quite a straight gay, I mean guy. Which is an euphemistic way of saying "I'm not gay GODDAMMIT!" Just because I criticize females, doesn't mean I fancy guys! The reason I criticize females is because it gives me loads of free publicity and also a lot many responses from females, which a dud like me couldn't normally expect to get from females otherwise!

Besides, what people call my FLOCCI­NAUCINI­HILIPIL­IFICATION of the female species, is nothing more than the truth. So, I couldn't care less if people call me gay even after reading this article. My being called gay may help my case with some females I'm having trouble with!

Speaking of straight, let me get to the point straight. I think I'm going to stop commenting about females. I think I have had enough of the publicity. I think I will stick to booger type journalism.

That, I hope, will silence my critics and the gay males who have been writing to me all these days. Seriously! I have unlimited amount of males oops I mean mails from expectant guys, one of which I will reproduce (as if that is possible with males). These people are very subtle in their approach, as you will realise from the following mail.

Dear Govindraj,

I totally agree with you. The female species is grossly over-rated. Blah blah What are you doing this Friday evening? The females should be taken off this planet. They don't deserve to share equal footing with us males. Nobody's going to be at my place this Friday, so maybe you could drop by. Females, blah blah.

Yours truly,

Richard "Gay" Sims.

Now, a dunk head like me could never realise that this was a bring on. Or whatever it is they call foreplay in gay speak. Now don't get me wrong here. I'm not against gays or anything and I don't wish to hurt their sentiments. I realise that some people are different, but I don't want any part of that. I wish to be straight. As I was saying, I was told that this male (mail) was probably sent by a mail (male), by one of my friends, who we shall call MD for protecting his identity. MD, if you are reading this, I mean no offence!

So, anyway, that is all I wanted to say. And all you females out there, there is going to be no one at my place this Sunday evening! :-) (That is, nobody, except me!)