Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Arsenal 2 - Juventus 0!!!

http://www.espnstar.com/chl/chl_reportdetail_1669089.html

Patrick Vieira's return to Arsenal was ruined by Arsene Wenger's new generation. Wenger insisted on the eve of the Champions League quarter-final first leg that he had sold Vieira to Juventus to make way for young stars like Cesc Fabregas. The youngsters responded with a performance to match and will take a two-goal lead to Turin for the second leg next week.

Vieira will not be part of that game after a yellow card means he will be suspended. It was Vieira's replacement Fabregas who stole the show at an atmospheric Highbury against a Juve team who ended the night with nine men.

The teenager grabbed the opening goal with a super-cool finish in the 40th minute and then set up the second for Thierry Henry in the 68th minute. Vieira had insisted there would be no nerves and no emotions for him as he played at Highbury for the first time since his £13.7million move to the Italian champions in the summer but he must have felt strange as he appeared in black and white stripes.

He had nine years at Arsenal and the North Bank belted out his song before kick-off. The prodigal son acknowledged them, clasping his hands above his head, but two minutes into a frantic opening and the niceties appeared all over. Vieira dumped Fabregas on his backside and then did the same to Jose Reyes.

Vieira and Emerson were on patrol in central midfield, and they tried to hard to impose themselves on the Gunners. Wenger's boys were not intimidated, however, and started to attack their visitors with quickfire passing moves. Fabregas collected a neat flick from Robert Pires in the 16th minute but dragged his shot across goal and wide.

Henry twice tried to catch Gianluigi Buffon by surprise with quickly-taken free-kicks from the edge of the area but he was off target with them both. The Highbury crowd turned on Vieira in the 39th minute when he collapsed to the turf from a challenge from Fabregas.

They thought their former hero was making a meal of it and jeered until he got to his feet. Moments later, it got even worse for Vieira when he was dispossessed in midfield by Pires and Arsenal sprang out to open the scoring. The quick pass from Pires to Henry set the move in motion and he passed the ball swiftly on to Fabregas.

The Spaniard took a touch and then twisted clear of defender Lilian Thuram before pulling a low shot into the bottom corner of the net. Highbury erupted and was still buzzing when Arsenal almost doubled the lead seconds later.

Henry beat Fabio Cannavaro and flashed a low shot across the face of goal. Cannavaro made two brilliant interceptions before the Italians launched their response with their best spell of the game. Kolo Toure made an incredible saving tackle to rob Zlatan Ibrahimovic after the big Swede looked ready to unleash an effort on goal.

Jens Lehmann had little to do in the first half but suddenly needed to be on his toes. He smothered a low shot from Gianluca Zambrotta and his defence resisted the surge. The German `keeper managed to protect his goal for the rest of the game and Arsenal equalised AC Milan's Champions League record of seven clean sheets on the trot.

Arsenal, having beaten Real Madrid in the last round, were bidding to reach the semi-final of the European Cup for the first time in their history. They are playing their best football of the season and the second half's purple patch gave them a two-goal cushion.

Alexander Hleb cut inside from the left to test Buffon and the Italian international `keeper dived to his left to save. Buffon could do nothing, however, in the 68th minute when the Gunners extended their lead.

It was Hleb who launched another attack from midfield, this time finding Fabregas who had raced forward untracked. Fabregas shaped to shoot as though he was going to hit the ball first time but then squared the ball to Henry in front of goal. The pass lobbed a fraction behind the Frenchman but he reached back with his right foot, controlled it neatly and swivelled to fire it into the net.

Vieira picked up his booking in the 71st minute for a foul on Reyes and it sparked 20 minutes of indiscipline from Juventus. Mauro Camoranesi, booked in the first half, picked up his second yellow card of the night for a foul on Arsenal sub Robin van Persie, four minutes from time.

He marched off and was soon followed by full-back Jonathan Zebina who picked up his second booking of the night in the dying minutes of the game for a foul on Henry. Both players will also miss next week's return in the Stadio della Alpi.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

A lesson in Plain Jacking

I read in the newspaper a few days ago about a boy calling up the airport to delay a flight because his girlfriend was on it and he didn't want her to leave. Now in case his wife was on board, he'd personally go to the airport and hold off any terrorists planting a bomb on the plane.

Terrorist At The Airport (TATA) : If anyone tries any smart moves, I will blow the whole place to smithereens!

A Man Busy Accosting New Immigrants (AMBANI) : Hey, you can't do that sort of a thing in here.

TATA : (Taken aback) Why not?

AMBANI : Because this is the Mumbai International Airport. The staff is on strike, the planes are late, and the loos stink. And on top of that, if you make a ruckus, the junta will plain kill you. Get that? Plain kill you in an airport! Ha ha ha.

TATA : Ha ha ha. (He shoots AMBANI) What the heck? (turns around to find a man with three suitcases and two handbags, who's rushing past him) Just what the heck do you think you are doing?

Harried Man : I am carrying my wife's luggage to the plane.
TATA : She is leaving, is she?
HM : Oh Yeah! You bet!
TATA : Okay fellas, bombing called off till further notice.

Such is the deep understanding that males share you know. We males are constantly blamed for being insensitive jerks, people who ask "What's for dinner?" at a condolence meeting, who have the sensitivity and etiquette that a mature rhino has. I hope this particular display of sensitivity, by a terrorist nonetheless, should kill all those doubts. In case the doubts are not killed, the terrorist will kill the people having those doubts.

So, coming back to the boy who made the call. There was no need to cause such furore over such a trivial thing as a girlfriend going away. He should have delayed the flight if she was coming back. By making such a hoax call, he caused unnecessary hassles to people. Some people suffering from hypertension had heart attacks, some women went into labour even though they weren't pregnant (Hey! Stress can do that to you!) and many people jumped off the plane and landed with a "Thump!" on the tarmac. Now, if he had made that call when the plane was in mid-air, the passengers would have been saved the trouble of landing on the tarmac. Such an inconsiderate chap the boy is.

I have an idea for the terrorists who keep hijacking planes and airports and keep asking for things in return. In the process, they end up killing a lot of people and destroying many nice things such as airport chairs, custom free shops, etc. Such a waste. They should not do this to custom free shops. Instead of using ammunition or firepower, they should threaten to disable the plumbing system of the airport. That will cause absolute mayhem, because given the kind of food that is served on airlines, God only knows what reaches the toilets! Yuck! My advice to potential "jackers" (pun unintended) is that "Drop the gun! Get the spanner"

P.S. Just make sure that you are considerate enough to let the man's wife's plane leave. And don't kill AMBANI, just conk him on the head with the spanner.