My First Corporate Seminar

During the one month of orientation at the place where I currently work [which cannot be revealed for domestic security reasons, both the country's and mine! :)] I was trained to become a professional, able to deliver the killer blow in a corporate environment, not very much unlike Jason Bourne [of the Bourne series fame] with the subtle difference being that Bourne kills people with a flick of a knife vis a vis my maiming of people's resolve with mind-numbing and stupor-evolving yawns. I was taught that etiquette is the art of yawning with your mouth closed. However, I came to realize that there was much more to be achieved by unleashing a slew of loud-mouthed, stinking and resolve deflating yawns. They helped me achieve my basic purpose in life: that of ending meetings, seminars, boring conversations with seniors, pronto!

Today, I had my first opportunity to attend a full blown corporate seminar, complete with people from all departments participating, in a sincere effort to have a culmination of ideas, to lead the company to progress and to source free food from some good restaurants at the company's expense. No, really! I mean, most of the people sitting at the Seminar [including yours truly] were constantly looking at their watches in anticipation of the arrival of the lunch hour. And they were giving subtle hints to the speaker about this.

Speaker: ... So, as I was saying, the onus is on the consortium [pauses, seeing a raised hand] Yes?
Questioner: So you are saying that tackling the onerous clause is our responsibility?
Speaker: Well, you see that we need to consider the financial and legal implications...
Questioner: [interrupting] And we can discuss the same over lunch, is that what you want to say?

Anyway, since lunch was the prerogative of a sizeable amount of the audience present [sizeable = total number of people present in auditorium - speaker] the lunch break was called for. What happened during the stampede that ensued the announcement is a matter for the newspapers to report. Suffice to say that there was an exodus of unforeseen magnitude, leaving the speaker with no choice but to complete his last few statements in soliloquy.

Post lunch session, I took up a reconnaissance post near the head of the table. The information that I can purvey from my survey is simple: yawning was the order of the day. Not that this is a bad things for humans to do. I have read somewhere that humans yawn to replenish the exhausted supply of oxygen in the brain. That, of course is total hogwash, although many scientific journals do subscribe to that piece of information. The reasons human beings yawn is because they are feeling sleepy and [especially if they are males] they are thinking about the thrills of having sex on the discussion table.

Anyway, after half an hour into the post lunch session, it was pretty obvious that the Seminar on Contract management had turned into the Indian Idol for Yawning competition. I remember trifle little of what took place. I can't pinpoint the reason for it. But I keep having these vague images of the boardroom table in my mind. I wonder why? :)

/Radgovin