Straight Dope : Those were the days

Back when the Internet was young and the porn sites were yet to make an impact, there was in existence (and still is) a web-site called Straight Dope. This was one of the first sites dedicated to humour. Of course, now-a-days, it's readership has decreased, thanks to yours truly writing such excellent humour columns! And I think that this will be the status quo for a long period of time. As long as Dave Barry doesn't find out that I am copying his writing style of booger journalism, not to mention the word "booger journalism" which I believe he himself has coined!

There is a very interesting idea expressed on Straight Dope. It is this : If all the Chinese in the world jumped of their collective chairs after climbing on them, would the earth be thrown off it's course? Intriguing? You bet it is. And this has led me to today's blog. What will happen if all Indians jump off their collective chairs? I shudder to think of the implications.

But there will definitely be some hindrances in the process of jumping : the primary one being that not all Indians possess chairs. And those who do possess them have ensured that regular maintenance of the chair has been a non-event. Therefore, I seriously doubt if all Indians would ever be able to jump off at the same time. And even if they did, I think the effect would not be momentous, mainly because of the Green House Effect and the fact that the sine of 53.58 is 0.80468660605489181240281217497668. Also, one would have to take into account the local factors for India, like corruption, untruth, and the fact that a significant population of India is travelling in local trains of Mumbai at any given time. I think we should change the question to what will happen if all the local trains of Mumbai collapse at the same time. An earthquake is a given, with other possible repercussions being major Tsunamis in the Arabian Sea, which will drown the better part of Eastern Africa. Such is the population of Mumbai. These statements I am making on the basis of unbiased and intelligent research; deep and qualitative thinking done over a period of two hours and a few tequila shots.

Anyway, before I stray from the point at hand, and this usually is true about all my posts, seeing as that I am drunk most of the times, I would like to make another authoritative statement. This is regarding the state of Population in Mumbai. I recently read a survey which said that more than 70% of the metropolis' population is compromised by... oops comprised of people from the Northern states. Now, I am not a person like Mrs. Patkar, a well known publicity stunt specialist, employed by the World Bank, and I don't crave for attention. I am not an attention seeker, probing here and there for some unasked for publicity. Hence, I will not call the people from the Northern states "Bhaiyyas" as they are called in Mumbai. I will not call them such names, because that is the kind of person I am! And the authoritative statement that I wish to make is this : If all the people from the Northern states who reside in Mumbai jump off the local trains of Mumbai simultaneously, the ensuing earthquake would measure a whopping 9.3 on the Richter scale. Also, it will prod the dormant Salsette mountains of Mumbai into a lava spewing frenzy. Yes, this is true. It is the result of another hour of thinking at my favourite haunt.

Barman! Get me another Tequila shot, will you?