Okay. I know I was bad in the last post. And I don't want a repeat of the hate mail I have received. The only reason I put up this title for this post is that I couldn't think of anything else.
Today I am going to talk about an issue that is very close to my heart. This is the matter of utter national concern. Solving the problem which I am now going to describe may well result in world peace in our lifetime and change the world to a better place. The thing I am talking about is DOGS. Yes, dogs have the potential to change the human race for better. And we can help our cause by GETTING RID OF THEM ONCE AND FOR ALL!
Before you animal lovers out there jump out of your safari suits with your anti- anti - environmentalist pamphlets and start canvassing the utility of dogs and other miscellaneous miscreants created by nature, let me tell you this : I am an environmental engineer and according to esteemed scientific research (conducted by a certain Mr. G. S. Umarji) it has been conclusively and beyond doubt that the lack of dogs on this planet isn't going to hurt the eco-system much. On the contrary, it may help improve the overall scenario, because all the problems in the world can be attributed to one single thing. Yes, all sorts of problems, like making misteks in speling and Engisj and typos, and poor mathematics can be described in four simple words : Lack of sleep! And where do dogs come in? They come in by the gate, dammit. And they spend the better part of the night in the open ground that lies just outside my home, barking away to glory; giving vent to their age old frustration of being seen by everyone when they have to do private things, such as smelling their own poo!
Dogs are a nuisance. And it's not only because they keep barking all night long. They have the uncanny habit of turning up in all sorts of places. I pop my head out of my window and the chances that there is a dog in sight is minimal. But that is because I live in a Correctional Facility for the Mentally Challenged and my room doesn't have a window. But that doesn't discount the fact that the dog population is getting out of hand. I think the dogs are secretly planning to take over the world. All this loyalty stuff is just to keep us off our guard when they do finally make the assault.
Dog 1 (with vaguely cheerful expression that is a characteristic of all dogs) : Damn that Zanjeer. The traitor found the bomb we had planted in the Petrol pump.
Dog 2 : He will be taken care of boss!
Dog 3 : See to it that he is taken care of. Keep reporting to me.
Then they all sniff each other butts in appreciation and head off in the general direction of : nowhere. Because their brain to body mass ratio is very small. They can't tell what they will be doing the next moment. This is why, for the moment, that we are safe from their attack. Every time they try to escalate an assault, they change their minds because a cat crosses their path or one of them suddenly has an insatiable scratching urge. Scratching is to dogs what yawning is to humans; it is contagious! Thank heavens for the fleas. We wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for those small creatures that don't let a dog live in peace.
Which reminds me, the smallest things in this world are the ones that are the most useful to man. In case you are wondering why I am deviating from the topic at hand, it is because my dog is watching over my shoulder to see if I have dropped any eatable on my laptop's keyboard. If there is indeed something on the keyboard, he will lick it up and in the process, clear up all that I have typed. And by the way, you will have to excuse me now. I have a sudden scratching urge.
(Secret conversation : recorded earlier)
Flea : Sir! The Bhandup Regiment of canine miscreants has been neutralised!
Me : Excellent. And tell the guys to work extra hard tonight. I have a big exam tomorrow. I need to get my beauty sleep today!
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