Moving around the House

I am alone in the house. And this is a time when the devil takes over, in keeping with the age old phrase "An empty mind is the devil's workshop". Hold on, I think I am confused. Is it that my mind is empty because the house is? Or is it that you need to have a name other than Govindraj Umarji to have brains that are actually capable of thinking up creative and constructive ideas other than wild and wacky ideas to kill bees? Really! That is what I am doing right now. There is this huge colony of bees right outside my house and they have a fatwa out for me, because as a kid I had destroyed what was probably their great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-granparents house. That was back in the early 80s, a peaceful time, when India was winning at cricket and the bees only had stings as a weapon and one ineffectual weapon it was; because it ended up killing them. The trendy, hip-hop bees these days have minor laser beams, which if all of them decide to use simultaneously could turn you from an organic being to organic carbon. And then "Ashes to ashes" would really and truly make sense. The ashes would probably move around in your "empty" house, as are the ashes of some other unlucky insects which chose to take on the bees.

To take my mind off the bee problem, I turn on the music system. I can hear George Michael croon away as I move around the house aimlessly. He's upset about having to be indoors all the time. He's singing "let's go Outside". He probably does not have bees lined up with their laser beams on the ready outside his house.

Bee Squadron Leader (Bhandup section) : "Men, have your weapons at the ready. We are going to nail him the moment he steps outside"

Let's go Outside, goes George again. If only he were in my place. I, on the other hand, have more important things on my mind. I am wondering what would happen if I were to burn the kitchen table under the bees' home.

"I think I'm done with the kitchen table, maybe" (This is George singing)

I desperately want to get rid of these bees once and for all. They are getting to be a real pain. They have not allowed me to step out of my house for more than seven years now. This is because it has only been seven years since they got those laser beams from Iraq. Or Afghanistan. I do not care where they got them from. Fact of the matter is that they have them and I am having to move around like a prisoner in my own home. By killing them, I think I will be serving the community because the world needs me to go out there to observe it's beauty and write about it.

"I'd service the community
But I already have you see" goes George Michael again.

Till now, I was able to voice my opinion about the world by listening to the radio and seeing television. However, nowadays, both these media have nothing else on the news than Saddam's trial, Ganguly's return to the Indian team and of course, the numerous sexual transgressions that seem to be plaguing the Indian BPO industry. But all that is of minor concern to me and of course to you faithful readers, who probably want me to step out of the house so that if the bees miss me, maybe the pollution will kill me. Or maybe a passing BEST bus driver would be considerate enough. I know people are just waiting out there to get me. I think it's the same people who gave the bees the lasers. George Michael is done singing. Pink Floyd comes on with High Hopes. The song's title exactly sums up my current plan to get rid of the bees. I think I am going to be inside for a while. At least till somebody uses a memory charm on the bees. Or the laser beams develop atrophy.