Mumbai Schnorrer

Recently, I had the chance to see the life of a Mumbai schnorrer, up close and personal.

I know, I know. You people are probably wondering just what the heck a schnorrer is. You wouldn't have been wondering if you had paid proper attention in your Std. XII English class. Because I definitely recall having read that particular word in some nook or cranny of the textbook. For the uninitiated, it means beggar. And for the uninitiated, I would suggest the "Radgovin's Giant Book of Highly Important Sounding Words that actually accomplish Zilch in any Interesting Conversation and which find absolutely zero utility in daily talk." (RGBHISWZIC) I realise that the title is long and some people will have trouble reading the book. But then, that is the intention of the book anyway, to make people realise the futility of things such as education for speaking better. Their education has not armed them with words such as floccinaucinihilipilification (second longest word in english language, a bizarre word which means 'to regard something as worthless'.) That is why, you people are better off buying my book. Try speaking English to any of the new generation so-called "English Medium" school students and you will realise why you are better off buying my book.

Student 1 : "Arre, I often wonder where the water going when I am done flushing"
Student 2 : "What re? You don't even knowing this much? Tchah! Arre, it going in the pipe and then it coming out of the top of the pipe, and then rain falls"
S1 : "You saying that the toilet water coming down as rain?"
S2 : "You not know that already?"
S1 : "I think I am going to be sick!" (Throws up on S2)

Now "overhear" this conversation between two enlightened students whose parents had enough money to buy them my book (which costs as much as the Encyclopedia Brittanica and Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy put together and is only slightly thicker than the Oxford English Dictionary)

Undergraduate 1 : (Notice the difference? They no longer call themselves students) "Arre, I often wonder where the aqua going when I am done flushing?" (Notice the improved punctuation. This is not due to my book, but I never miss a chance at taking credit, even if it's not due to me!)

Undergraduate 2 : "What re? You not even comprehending this much? Tchah! Arre, it entering the conduit and then coming out from top of channel, evaporating, and then rain falls"

UG1 : "Are you insinuating that rain coming from toilet water"
UG2 : "You floccinaucinihilipilificating toilet water?"
UG1 : "I think my oesophagus is going to discharge the contents of my stomach!"

In case you have not noticed already, the italicised words indicate the words the kids have learnt from my book. Actually, not all of them are from my book, but the kids have followed my advice of keeping a thesaurus handy. Anyway, this article was about a schnorrer. But I guess I will have to deal with that later. I have already started receiving phone calls for taking up tuition classes for English!