The Smallest Post Ever

I realise that my previous post was the smallest article I have ever written. But then, I believe I have covered all the matter that was there to be covered.

For those in the don't know, I was referring to the Indian Cricket Team ex-captain. And don't get me wrong here, I have nothing against the ex-captain. He is a good fellow : a person who likes to keep his cards close to his chest, very much like the cricket ball, which he keeps close to his chest when he runs in to bowl. And cows will fly the day he scores a century against Australia or South Africa. I cannot recall any particular good performance he has put in against the so-called "Top Teams". The only creditable performance due to him is the century he scored against Pakistan at Dhaka, when we successfully chased a target of three hundred and twenty four runs. And that was ages ago, as early as 1998.

But then, enough of Captain bashing. There are enough sites dedicated to that. For instance,
1. http://blog.kparthas.com/archives/2005/03/it_is_time_for.html
2. http://humorcafe.blogspot.com/2005/09/ganguly-jokes.html
3. http://mavdya.blogspot.com/2005/08/captains-secret-diaries.html
The last one is particularly hilarious. It has been written by a friend of mine. It's not as funny as the stuff you find on this blog, but it's a worthy mention. (I am such a modest person, aren't I?)
Just search for Ganguly Jokes on Google.com, you are bound to find a plethora of them.

On a slightly serious note, of late I have noticed (after writing as many as two posts post-sabbatical) that my articles are not as funny as they used to be. Many concerned readers have called me up personally to tell me this : You used to be funnier. I am not perturbed by this, though. I am used to this sort of thing. I have heard this comment from as early as my third post. Back then, I wasn't even trying to be funny. But I found that people often misconstrued my "serious" description of a scenario to be hilarious. That is when I realised that the twelve divided by seven has a remainder of 5. And way back in school, when I had the IQ of 12 (or roughly 2 IQ units per brain cell) I had written the answer as 4. This sudden realisation brought a world of change in me, as have the comments of the people who all said that I used to be funnier. I would like to cite a few of them here,

Dear Mr. Umarji,
We, the members of the Society of Online Women (SOW), sincerely request you to start your female bashing again. This is because the quantity of male chauvinist pigs out there is seriously diminishing and it is giving us SOWs sleepless nights. We are finding it difficult to keep our society running. So, please resume your "funny" female bashing so that we can sue you.

Warm regards,
The SOW Legal Team


Dear Mr. Umarji,
Ever since your articles have stopped being funnier, I am feeling suicidal. The humour in your articles used to brighten my day up. After reading your articles, I used to humour myself by thinking, "Aah... Here's a guy who's more stupid than I am". And now, you have taken to writing serious articles too. I personally think that it has had an effect on this blog too. I request you to kindly resume your "funny" writing so that I can get back to my normal life.

Sincerely,
Mr. Bush


Dear Mr. Umarji,
This is the Network Officer, Secrets EXchange , at Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay (NO SEX @ IITB). We have decided to restore your internet connection. This is partly because your IITB bashing has reduced and partly because you hog the Gents restroom adjacent to the Computer Centre for accessing the internet wirelessly and without being seen. The resulting chaos has led us to restore your LAN connection so as to ensure a non-smelly Computer Centre.

Regards,
NO SEX @ IITB

Frankly, I had no idea that my blog meant so much to so many people. I was really surprised and overjoyed at this. So much so that I actually jumped for joy in the restroom and caused some major damage in the process. Not that I was hurt seriously, but the same cannot be said about the faucets and the tiles in the aforementioned um aah... How do I put this without using profanity? What the heck, I think that people like my blog (Huh! Who said anything about liking?) because I boldly and unabashedly use words like flatulence and gents' room. I caused some damage in the rest room and I am glad I did it. It was a stinky little place anyway. Maybe they will rebuild it. That will make life mcuh more easier for me the next time the SEX NO decides to bar me from accessing the Internet.