Continuation sheet

In Engineering Design, whenever you have to continue your calculations, you use the continuation sheet. My mind is still on the same page as yesterday, but there are many thoughts that I would still like to pen down. So, consider this article as a continuation from where I left off yesterday.

From my previous article, you will recall (if you don't recall, scroll down the page and read the previous article, you dummy! Duh! :-)) I was speaking about the reservation issue. These days, with the rising population of India and the increased per capita income, it has become virtually impossible for anyone to get a train reservation. No, no! Not that reservation! I was just kidding, the point that was to be made is about reservation quotas. These days, even in railways, you have these reservation quotas. It's really funny. The day after they introduce these quotas, we will see three toilets (instead of the usual two) in each coach of long distance trains. One Indian style, one Western style and one with the words RESERVED printed on it's doors. Imagine the plight of the foreign long distance traveller who MUST visit the loo and finds that only the RESERVED toilet is vacant. He has no option but to rush in and relieve himself. This is when the vigilant railway officers (again, belonging to the backward classes) will break in and ask him just what the hell does he think he is doing. He will probably be asked to first produce proof that he is from the backward community and then he will be asked a million questions about his ancestors, such as if they were ever tortured, mutilated, fondled, called racist names, etc etc, by the upper caste classes. Then they will move on to asking him about his financial well-being and whether he thinks he can apply for EBC scholarship. Of course, the foreigner doesn't fit in any of this, therefore, he is fitted out of the toilet. Rather, he is lifted out of the toilet. But then, this is all crap (if you get my drift) and this is all just a figment of my imagination. I should stop writing about such obscene and gross things. There are more important issues to think about, such as the possible outbreaks of violence between pro-reservation and anti-reservation people, whether the outcome of this move will indeed be a shining India, what is going to be served for lunch, whether I will be successful in implementing my new diet strategy, whether the movie The DaVinci Code will change christianity as we know it. So many important things to think of than simply talking about foreginers shitting in RESERVED toilets! :-)

I know, I know. I have drifted from the topic at hand. But I sincerely believe that whatever the leaders of the nation are doing is really in the best interests of the nation! I am sure that pretty soon we are going to see a really bright and shining India. I am sure I will appreciate it from the United States of America. I have already applied for citizenship there! ;-)

The Real Thing

I agree. The previous post was bad. However, it is better to read such poorly written blogs than to satiate your daily appetite for some reading, with the dismal news that reservation for backward classes has now been increased to 200%, meaning that even the seats that don't exist are reserved for backward class people, further meaning that open category or general category people cannot even dream about admission to higher education. Whew!

Okay, fine! I was kidding. The reservation has not been increased to 200%, it still lies at a miserly 189%. This figure was derived by the politicians using highly mathematical operations, considering the various populations in the country, their economic status and above all, their votability i.e. the fraction of the population that is above 18 years of age. The actual figure came out to be 180%, but they put in the extra nine percent for good measure.

Most of my articles are the source of some minor controversies. I have irked females, guy gays, lesbians, some guy lesbians, politicians, their dogs, gay politicians dogs', gay dogs of politicians. To summarise, I have irked a lot of people with my blog articles. I don't intend to irk the minority community with this article. I don't have anything against them. The reason that they are fooled by the politicians gimmicks is because they are uneducated. Imagine a backward caste person (who doesn't even have a primary education) hearing about the increase in the reservation quota. "Hey!", he will think, "That's a great move! I don't have a primary education, but I might be able to get admission to Medical College! I probably will have to sell my land for affording the education, but what the heck! I will have a Dr. before my name!" As has been oft repeated, backward category (if I may dare use the word. I am not racist, its just that I am not aware of the "politically" correct way of calling these people) people require financial aid rather than reservations. They require financial aid for primary and secondary education, dammit! Why are you offering them more seats at the higher education level? Teach them the basics first and make them independent. But then, the electoral outcomes will be disastrous, won't they?

Hmm... It feels good to write after all these days. I am not entirely happy with the outcome of this article. Not entirely funny, but then there is seriously very little humour to be found in such a grave issue anyway. I am so glad to have gotten back to publishing that I don't care if some pro-reservation guy/gal (no gender bias in my language! :-)) calls me up in the middle of the night because my article has irked him/her. That I can handle. As I have handled the calls of the females, guy gays, lesbians, some guy lesbians, politicians, their dogs, gay politicians dogs', gay dogs of politicians.

Been gone a long time

I know, I know. I have been gone a long time. Regular readers (as if there was a large number of them in the first place) had been complaining to me about the dismal lack of activity on my blog page. They said that life had become really boring and they needed their source of booger humour back. I couldn't disappoint them. So, here I am, back with a bang!

BANG!

The city that I love

Mumbai.




The Camera

Morning on a winter day.

Hostel 12 at Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay

The unchecked growth of the city

Twilight time at the Queen's Necklace

A special palm tree : one with branches

Arsenal 2 - Juventus 0!!!

http://www.espnstar.com/chl/chl_reportdetail_1669089.html

Patrick Vieira's return to Arsenal was ruined by Arsene Wenger's new generation. Wenger insisted on the eve of the Champions League quarter-final first leg that he had sold Vieira to Juventus to make way for young stars like Cesc Fabregas. The youngsters responded with a performance to match and will take a two-goal lead to Turin for the second leg next week.

Vieira will not be part of that game after a yellow card means he will be suspended. It was Vieira's replacement Fabregas who stole the show at an atmospheric Highbury against a Juve team who ended the night with nine men.

The teenager grabbed the opening goal with a super-cool finish in the 40th minute and then set up the second for Thierry Henry in the 68th minute. Vieira had insisted there would be no nerves and no emotions for him as he played at Highbury for the first time since his £13.7million move to the Italian champions in the summer but he must have felt strange as he appeared in black and white stripes.

He had nine years at Arsenal and the North Bank belted out his song before kick-off. The prodigal son acknowledged them, clasping his hands above his head, but two minutes into a frantic opening and the niceties appeared all over. Vieira dumped Fabregas on his backside and then did the same to Jose Reyes.

Vieira and Emerson were on patrol in central midfield, and they tried to hard to impose themselves on the Gunners. Wenger's boys were not intimidated, however, and started to attack their visitors with quickfire passing moves. Fabregas collected a neat flick from Robert Pires in the 16th minute but dragged his shot across goal and wide.

Henry twice tried to catch Gianluigi Buffon by surprise with quickly-taken free-kicks from the edge of the area but he was off target with them both. The Highbury crowd turned on Vieira in the 39th minute when he collapsed to the turf from a challenge from Fabregas.

They thought their former hero was making a meal of it and jeered until he got to his feet. Moments later, it got even worse for Vieira when he was dispossessed in midfield by Pires and Arsenal sprang out to open the scoring. The quick pass from Pires to Henry set the move in motion and he passed the ball swiftly on to Fabregas.

The Spaniard took a touch and then twisted clear of defender Lilian Thuram before pulling a low shot into the bottom corner of the net. Highbury erupted and was still buzzing when Arsenal almost doubled the lead seconds later.

Henry beat Fabio Cannavaro and flashed a low shot across the face of goal. Cannavaro made two brilliant interceptions before the Italians launched their response with their best spell of the game. Kolo Toure made an incredible saving tackle to rob Zlatan Ibrahimovic after the big Swede looked ready to unleash an effort on goal.

Jens Lehmann had little to do in the first half but suddenly needed to be on his toes. He smothered a low shot from Gianluca Zambrotta and his defence resisted the surge. The German `keeper managed to protect his goal for the rest of the game and Arsenal equalised AC Milan's Champions League record of seven clean sheets on the trot.

Arsenal, having beaten Real Madrid in the last round, were bidding to reach the semi-final of the European Cup for the first time in their history. They are playing their best football of the season and the second half's purple patch gave them a two-goal cushion.

Alexander Hleb cut inside from the left to test Buffon and the Italian international `keeper dived to his left to save. Buffon could do nothing, however, in the 68th minute when the Gunners extended their lead.

It was Hleb who launched another attack from midfield, this time finding Fabregas who had raced forward untracked. Fabregas shaped to shoot as though he was going to hit the ball first time but then squared the ball to Henry in front of goal. The pass lobbed a fraction behind the Frenchman but he reached back with his right foot, controlled it neatly and swivelled to fire it into the net.

Vieira picked up his booking in the 71st minute for a foul on Reyes and it sparked 20 minutes of indiscipline from Juventus. Mauro Camoranesi, booked in the first half, picked up his second yellow card of the night for a foul on Arsenal sub Robin van Persie, four minutes from time.

He marched off and was soon followed by full-back Jonathan Zebina who picked up his second booking of the night in the dying minutes of the game for a foul on Henry. Both players will also miss next week's return in the Stadio della Alpi.

A lesson in Plain Jacking

I read in the newspaper a few days ago about a boy calling up the airport to delay a flight because his girlfriend was on it and he didn't want her to leave. Now in case his wife was on board, he'd personally go to the airport and hold off any terrorists planting a bomb on the plane.

Terrorist At The Airport (TATA) : If anyone tries any smart moves, I will blow the whole place to smithereens!

A Man Busy Accosting New Immigrants (AMBANI) : Hey, you can't do that sort of a thing in here.

TATA : (Taken aback) Why not?

AMBANI : Because this is the Mumbai International Airport. The staff is on strike, the planes are late, and the loos stink. And on top of that, if you make a ruckus, the junta will plain kill you. Get that? Plain kill you in an airport! Ha ha ha.

TATA : Ha ha ha. (He shoots AMBANI) What the heck? (turns around to find a man with three suitcases and two handbags, who's rushing past him) Just what the heck do you think you are doing?

Harried Man : I am carrying my wife's luggage to the plane.
TATA : She is leaving, is she?
HM : Oh Yeah! You bet!
TATA : Okay fellas, bombing called off till further notice.

Such is the deep understanding that males share you know. We males are constantly blamed for being insensitive jerks, people who ask "What's for dinner?" at a condolence meeting, who have the sensitivity and etiquette that a mature rhino has. I hope this particular display of sensitivity, by a terrorist nonetheless, should kill all those doubts. In case the doubts are not killed, the terrorist will kill the people having those doubts.

So, coming back to the boy who made the call. There was no need to cause such furore over such a trivial thing as a girlfriend going away. He should have delayed the flight if she was coming back. By making such a hoax call, he caused unnecessary hassles to people. Some people suffering from hypertension had heart attacks, some women went into labour even though they weren't pregnant (Hey! Stress can do that to you!) and many people jumped off the plane and landed with a "Thump!" on the tarmac. Now, if he had made that call when the plane was in mid-air, the passengers would have been saved the trouble of landing on the tarmac. Such an inconsiderate chap the boy is.

I have an idea for the terrorists who keep hijacking planes and airports and keep asking for things in return. In the process, they end up killing a lot of people and destroying many nice things such as airport chairs, custom free shops, etc. Such a waste. They should not do this to custom free shops. Instead of using ammunition or firepower, they should threaten to disable the plumbing system of the airport. That will cause absolute mayhem, because given the kind of food that is served on airlines, God only knows what reaches the toilets! Yuck! My advice to potential "jackers" (pun unintended) is that "Drop the gun! Get the spanner"

P.S. Just make sure that you are considerate enough to let the man's wife's plane leave. And don't kill AMBANI, just conk him on the head with the spanner.