I am taking a sabbatical from writing.
Why, you ask? Well, it's simple. Because I want to. Because it is the will of the Almighty that for a few days the Divine Spark which glows inside me, and which is a source of humour and enjoyment to all, should go kaput! Because I have a seminar presentation on the 11th and I have not yet decided what I am going to speak. Because my exams start from the 16th and I am unsure as to which paper is when, forget remembering what I have learnt till now.
These are some of the reasons for my taking a vacation. Another reason is that after reading some thought provoking, soul searching, stomach churning blogs by some of my colleagues, I felt really hungry and drank a lot of chicken soup. It was good for my soul, but it ended up hurting my tummy. But that is not the reason for taking a vacation. The reason is that after reading those blogs, I looked at my own blog and thought : "Man, I am definitely a better writer than all of them put together." The reason I felt so is because no one else can take something and make something funny out of it like I can. Let me give you an example
A man goes to a shop and asks the shopkeeper : "Why didn't the chicken cross the road?"
The shopkeeper is stumped. "Why?", he asks.
The man says, "Because I ate it!"
Ha ha ha. Get it? Because I ATE it! Now that is something, isn't it? I bet it had you rolling on the floor in splits. It's a different matter that the shopkeeper hit the man on his head with a bottle of Phenyl, probably because he thought it was the only way of killing him and more probably because it was the one closest to him. But I am deviating from the topic again. I realised that to be really appreciated as a writer, once in a while, you have to take some topic and write meaningful stuff about it. This got me thinking and the following paragraph is the outcome of intense soul searching and deep thinking (the kind that is associated with constipated people) for a period of two whole minutes. Imagine! I gave it my best shot. Two minutes is the maximum I can concentrate for, unless I am watching sleazy stuff on the television, which is hard to come by now-a-days, thanks to Prof. Naithani or some female named that in Mumbai.
Okay, here goes. In case you have forgotten, this paragraph is the one that I have written after intense thinking. So, a warning for the squeamish. Don't read past this sentence, if hearing about exploding toilets increases your palpitation or whatever it is that makes the liver go hay-wire.
One needs to think carefully about writing what one is writing. (The sensitive and intelligent writing has begun, you dummy!) One could go on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on on and on (Nice utility this Copy and Paste) talking about nothing in particular. I mean, what is the use if I keep on talking about nothing. I have to talk about something if I am ever going to make it big. But then, there is also the matter of pretending talking about something when actually, I am talking about nothing. All this nothing has got to lead to something for me to make sense, something which is lacking in this entire paragraph.
Whoa! I have written four hundred words already. I don't believe it. And around a hundred of those have come straight from the bottom of my heart in two minutes of intense brooding over a neat peg of rum. I am sure that my innermost thoughts have made you realise the futility of your life. So, here's a suggestion : Why don't you give all your money to me and let me do the thinking for you? In fact, if you send a cheque right now, I will probably waive a hundred rupees off the deal! Why, you ask? Because that is the kind of person I am, always looking out for others. I realise that you may need the hundred rupees to buy yourself a copy of "101 ways to commit suicide after giving all your money to crazed lunatics". So go ahead and write that cheque. I am waiting for it.
And in case you are late and miss the opportunity of the hundred rupees discount, don't worry. I always keep a Phenyl bottle handy! :-)
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8 comments:
I'd rate this post as the most unfunny one yet by you. Except for a particular joke you have typed somewhere in the middle that i have my copyrights on. I'd say it's your turn to get your lawyers ready.
See, that is what happens when one is under a lot of duress. I know that the article sucks. But I can't help it!
Yea, its about time for us friends who read this blog only for the sole purpose of not disheartening you with the truth about the popularity (or the lack of it) of this blog got a breather.
Or do we do it because, if you don't blog, you in all probability would be upto something even more harmful for humanity, mankind, the world .......etc among other things?
and BTW best of luck for your exams and seminar (is it just me or does it always sound like femina when you prononuce it correctly with the final r almost silent)
going by the size of this comment, I think its about time I start my own gutter er blog myself.
The above comment has been written by me, in an effort to criticise myself to sound funny. Hasn't exactly come out well, has it?
Dude,
Sure don't wan't any bad blood etc....... I was just trying to be funny...at your expense? I dunno, I thought its kinda un-offensive..... taken in the right vein......do you agree or did you get offended?
Let me repeat, no offense and I didn't mean this comment to be taken seriously.I am, and remain a fan of your posts and would really like to see you develop into a full blown joke smith or maybe a serious writer too. Keep up the good work please.
Going by your response, I think I am kinda far away from starting my full fledged gut.....errr blog..:)
Also any guesses as to my identity?...dun think its too hard.....
Frankly, this anonymous commenter has had me stumped. I had thought that I'd get rid of him (/her) by typing up that entry, but no! He's (She's) back and what's more, he's (she's) apologising. Dude (or Dudess! If I were that lucky!), for starters, I don't get offended by anonymous commenters. What the heck, I'll tell you the truth, I sometimes USE the anonymous comment feature to my benefit! I know that the person commenting anon. is usually a person who doesn't like publicity that is associated with my blog. I don't blame you for that. Some people are born shy. And in case you aren't one of them, I suggest you come out in the open with your name the next time. That will help me in the sense that people will stop thinking that I am typing up the comments myself!
This is a well written blog. I was told about it by a friend. I have read some of the previous month's articles as well and I like "The Powai Lake and National Interests" the best!
Nice job! Keep up the good work!
nice work ji on the blog :) I appreciate the art of writing about nothing at all ;) Something I am trying to master myself!!!
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