Raindrops keep splattering on my ceiling

As I sit down to write this post, my mind goes out to the countless little nameless and faceless creatures who are out there in the rain, with no shelter over their tiny heads. And the thought crosses my mind, I have a shelter and you don’t, neener neener neener! Serves your right for all those insect bites I suffered from as a kid. Sure, you wet and drizzled insects have got nothing to do with the insect bites I got around twenty zillion years ago [zillion here means one] but the bites must have been from your ancestors, I am pretty sure. So, as the Government of India is making me pay for the sins of my forefathers [I am referring to the reservation issue; I belong to the General category, which according to me is the worst oxymoron ever], you are paying for the sins of your forefathers. Nature does know how to settle a score! Ha!

I know what people out there are going to say: Radgovin, you sick, perverted creature. Why the hell do you keep surfing free porn sites and post links about them deep inside your post? Well, the answer to that is simple: it ensures increased readership of my blog! While that in itself is not such a good thing, I am prospering from it because the pr0n sites pay me good money to include their links! Again, nature’s principle of survival of the fattest is being proven right here. He who has lot of fat, will take maximum space on bus is an age old Oriental proverb. I don’t know how the Oriental Proverb makers were aware of buses in ancient times. I am sure they must have copied the idea from somewhere!

Coming back to the rains, I am sure by the time this post goes online, all essential services to the city of Mumbai will be “thappa”. No, I am not referring to what Nepali folk in India are called. I am using the Marathi word for discontinued. The actual meaning of the word “thappa” is “suffering from irritable bowel syndrome because of extreme gastro enteritis”. However, that meaning doesn’t really and truly apply over here. Nevertheless, the Marathi newspapers and news channels like to use that word and so will I. The rains have caused severe mayhem in Mumbai. There have been cases of politicians actually planning to do something about it. Considering the inactive and sedate life that they are used to, “thinking” of making an improvement is a show of immense adroitness and athleticism on the part of the Mumbai politicians. I am looking forward to hearing their plans.

Lest you think I am a politheist [political atheist - whatever that means! Not to be confused with polytheist!]
let me clarify that I am not one. I am a very conscious citizen who is aware of his duties and his rights. Note that my putting duties before rights in this sentence has got nothing to do with my order of preference. If at all it has got anything to do with preference, it is because of my preference of arranging things in alphabetical order! And even as I am writing this, I am being bitten by politics [poly - many, tics - blood sucking insects] These are the newborn mosquitoes, small worthless creatures who have no experience in biting humans and sucking the hell out of them. They are dead the moment they start sucking someone’s blood. The inexperience shows: they are killed immediately. Give me your experience mosquito anyday, the one who sucks blood off you for over an hour, so when you finally get to kill it, you can derive sadistic pleasure out of that killing!

Me, I am against such violence. I usually believe in teaching those miscreants a lesson they will never forget. So here’s my modus operandi.

1. Don’t kill the mosquito

2. Maim it

3. Watch it flutter around in vain, trying to fly

4. Derive sadistic pleasure out of the poor insects’ agony

5. Remove its proboscis [Note: this step requires good skills and dexterity. Not advisable if you failed your biology dissection class. You will probably end up killing the mosquito. If you are unsure about your dissection abilities, please aovid this entire procedure!]

6. Let the mosquito fly away!

There! That was simple, wasn’t it? You derived your pleasure and you also ensured that the mosquito will not be troubling anyone else with its stings, thereby doing your bit for the society. Definitely a lot less sinfuller than killing it in the first place, isn’t it?

/R

[This is my signature, in case you are wondering what it is!]