Raindrops keep splattering on my ceiling

As I sit down to write this post, my mind goes out to the countless little nameless and faceless creatures who are out there in the rain, with no shelter over their tiny heads. And the thought crosses my mind, I have a shelter and you don’t, neener neener neener! Serves your right for all those insect bites I suffered from as a kid. Sure, you wet and drizzled insects have got nothing to do with the insect bites I got around twenty zillion years ago [zillion here means one] but the bites must have been from your ancestors, I am pretty sure. So, as the Government of India is making me pay for the sins of my forefathers [I am referring to the reservation issue; I belong to the General category, which according to me is the worst oxymoron ever], you are paying for the sins of your forefathers. Nature does know how to settle a score! Ha!

I know what people out there are going to say: Radgovin, you sick, perverted creature. Why the hell do you keep surfing free porn sites and post links about them deep inside your post? Well, the answer to that is simple: it ensures increased readership of my blog! While that in itself is not such a good thing, I am prospering from it because the pr0n sites pay me good money to include their links! Again, nature’s principle of survival of the fattest is being proven right here. He who has lot of fat, will take maximum space on bus is an age old Oriental proverb. I don’t know how the Oriental Proverb makers were aware of buses in ancient times. I am sure they must have copied the idea from somewhere!

Coming back to the rains, I am sure by the time this post goes online, all essential services to the city of Mumbai will be “thappa”. No, I am not referring to what Nepali folk in India are called. I am using the Marathi word for discontinued. The actual meaning of the word “thappa” is “suffering from irritable bowel syndrome because of extreme gastro enteritis”. However, that meaning doesn’t really and truly apply over here. Nevertheless, the Marathi newspapers and news channels like to use that word and so will I. The rains have caused severe mayhem in Mumbai. There have been cases of politicians actually planning to do something about it. Considering the inactive and sedate life that they are used to, “thinking” of making an improvement is a show of immense adroitness and athleticism on the part of the Mumbai politicians. I am looking forward to hearing their plans.

Lest you think I am a politheist [political atheist - whatever that means! Not to be confused with polytheist!]
let me clarify that I am not one. I am a very conscious citizen who is aware of his duties and his rights. Note that my putting duties before rights in this sentence has got nothing to do with my order of preference. If at all it has got anything to do with preference, it is because of my preference of arranging things in alphabetical order! And even as I am writing this, I am being bitten by politics [poly - many, tics - blood sucking insects] These are the newborn mosquitoes, small worthless creatures who have no experience in biting humans and sucking the hell out of them. They are dead the moment they start sucking someone’s blood. The inexperience shows: they are killed immediately. Give me your experience mosquito anyday, the one who sucks blood off you for over an hour, so when you finally get to kill it, you can derive sadistic pleasure out of that killing!

Me, I am against such violence. I usually believe in teaching those miscreants a lesson they will never forget. So here’s my modus operandi.

1. Don’t kill the mosquito

2. Maim it

3. Watch it flutter around in vain, trying to fly

4. Derive sadistic pleasure out of the poor insects’ agony

5. Remove its proboscis [Note: this step requires good skills and dexterity. Not advisable if you failed your biology dissection class. You will probably end up killing the mosquito. If you are unsure about your dissection abilities, please aovid this entire procedure!]

6. Let the mosquito fly away!

There! That was simple, wasn’t it? You derived your pleasure and you also ensured that the mosquito will not be troubling anyone else with its stings, thereby doing your bit for the society. Definitely a lot less sinfuller than killing it in the first place, isn’t it?

/R

[This is my signature, in case you are wondering what it is!]

When everything else fails

For quite some time now, I have been deferring my posting to this blog and my other blog [here] However, I have come to realize that all the pent up words inside my brain will eventually reach their boiling point and the effervescence of those heady doses of vocabulary will lead to verbal diarrhoea / nausea! While that may not be such a bad thing, I realize that puking words such as somnabulistic expansionistialism of capitosocialism on a blog which is as widely read as mine is not such a good idea. Therefore, I decided to update my blog.

I have not been my usual chirpy self lately and M/s Henry and company at Arsenal Football Club are not helping my cause. I mean, if you want a trasnfer to another club that desperately, go get it man! Why are you moving around in the shadows, forcing people to hope against hope that you will remain a Gunner like you promised last year? If you want to renege on your promise, sever the ties in one single slash of the trasnfer sword. Don’t use the slow and painful poison on your own club, which made you a star. The club doesn’t deserve this from its own prodigal son. The problem with prodigal sons is that they soon tire of the doting parents because familiarity breeds contempt. Maybe Henry shouldn’t have been given the special treatment that he got from the club. True, he gave his heart and soul on the pitch in Arsenal colours, but when the time to say Au revoir arose, he chose to do it in such a disgraceful manner. He could have chosen the path that Bergkamp took. He could have gone to another club as quietly as Campbell did. But no, the price of being a star is that you have to have the media present with you 24×7.

And even after all the news that Henry is indeed moving to Spain, there is still that glimmer of hope somewhere in my mind that he may just stay back at The Emirates. I haven’t given up hope of that. Even if he stays, I will always hate him for what he has done over the last month.

Au revoir, Thierry. And if you do want out, please get out as soon as possible. Please don’t jeopardize the club’s and the team’s morale any more.

Football Shutball! Hai Rabba!!!

That is exactly what I am saying these days. Considering the fact that I have my final submissions looming ahead of me, I find it a tad difficult to keep up with happenings in the transfer market and the world of EPL. Sure, Man Utd. have gone ahead and copied Wenger’s style of signing young lads from Europe. And Chelsea have suddenly tightened their purse strings. I think that has something to do with the impending court cases they are bound to face if the allegations about player transfers are found to be true. Haven’t had time to read into that. Maybe will do that once my submissions are over. Wenger is on a vacation and he needs to be because he doesn’t have my counsel for making prudent purchases! :) :D

More when I return from the tedium of report writing!