The Problem of Humanity

The problem facing all of humanity, and I say this based on my impeccable qualifications of being a person with nothing better to do than write blog articles, is that of, hold your breath, shaving! Yes! All of the major disputes that men have can be traced to a bad shave in the morning. Nothing irritates the male brain (Yes, such a thing does exist) as much as the sting of the perspiration on the cut that he has inflicted on himself while trying to shave and brush his teeth simultaneously, while concurrently polishing his shoes. (Talk about multi-tasking!)

For those who don't know what I am talking about (read : Females), here's a basic lowdown on the art and science of shaving.

Wash your face.
Look in the mirror.
Debate over whether to shave or not.
Damn the shave. I'm late for office.
Return to bathroom because mother / sister / wife / neighbour's wife or any female grimaces at the way you look. (Point to be noted : males shave because of females)
Wash face once again.
Apply shaving cream and make a Santa Claus of yourself.
Start shaving while mother / sister / wife / neighbour's wife gives you expert advice about what style of beard will suit you.
Remember that your boss was due in early today.
Nick yourself in atleast three different places and use atleast three different swear words each time.
Now comes the worst part : After shave lotion!
Ooh! Aah! Ouch! Eeeeeeks! Help! Help! Help!
Suffer from bad mood the whole day.

And so it goes. The male has to suffer the trauma of having to shave at least once a week lest the suave and uptown society will take him to be a neanderthal person, who has no manners, talks loudly in public, yawns with his mouth open and has a hairy face. Once the person has done shaving though, they no longer think of him this way. Now he is a neanderthal person, who has no manners, talks loudly in public, yawns with his mouth open and is clean shaven. What a difference that makes!

Coming back to the topic at hand, i.e. that of the problem of humanity. Most of the world's leaders, sportsmen, media people, lingerie manufacturers, and others have often been caught on their bad "hair" days. They have been misquoted... correction, they have been quoted, and correctly quoted, about their feelings about the increasing world hunger, the role of drugs in sports, the coverage of live events, the increasing problem the industry is facing due to increase in breast implants which consequently results in them having to manufacture larger and larger brassieres, which nobody purchases anyway, because they are kept in the extra large section where no females are to be found. All the females consider themselves to be in the "small" size fraction. At the best, they can be medium. A woman wouldn't want to be caught dead browsing in the large section at any garment store. The male equivalent of this would be getting caught buying a book titled "The offside rule explained for dummies". Yes, we males are really good at spotting offsides, especially if they are in favour of the team that we are supporting. Most of the times the linesman does get the calls right. But occasionally, he might get it wrong due to some reason, such as his wife having asked him to keep a french beard when in actuality he wanted to sport a goatee.

The reason I am writing all of this should be plainly obvious to all by now. I had a really bad shave this morning. And though I had intended to write about the actual problem of humanity and my solution to it to unite the world and bring world peace (whatever that means. Go ask the Miss Universe / World contestants) However, I started writing about this problem. Shaving could indeed be the reason for the unrest in the world. Other reasons could be poor organisation, lack of planning, dearth of food, religious intolerances, poor memory, etc. etc. I wonder what I have been talking about in this article. Please send me a reminder. I will get back to you after I apply the after shave lotion.

Ooh! Aah! Ouch! Eeeeeeks! Help! Help! Help!