An Impersonator

I am glad. Because, a few days ago, I realized that there is a person out there who is impersonating me. So much so that he / she has created an alternate email id using my initials. I realize that some people might think that is a serious security breach and at the least, the United Nations should be asked to step in and use tactical nuclear options against the person (One Govindraj is enough for the world to bear!) However, I think otherwise. I believe that I am so popular that people want to emulate me and want to use my name!

I was made cognizant of this particular person because s/he had the nerve to send an email in my name to some people I know. I was amazed to receive irate replies from none less than around ten people, asking me what I meant by (sic) "vaaalice viaagraa violence in egypt now for cheap. get top errikson for better pleasure". I realized then that these people had been victims of some spammer, masquerading as me. There were two ways I could have reacted to this : one, I could have made an issue of this and shouted my lungs out at the world (would've served no purpose) and the other was to write a funny blog article about it (Not that this method serves any purpose, but hey, atleast I can share my trauma with the world of people on the internet who have nothing better to do in life than reading my blog articles!)

I am glad that people want to use my name to send random and demeaning messages to other people. Its what I had intended to do on my blog page. But it seems that the person copying my identity is doing a better job than I am. Kudos to her / him for that. Its not an easy thing to send emails containing words like viaagraa (whatever that means) and violence in egypt to other people. For all you know, this email could be intercepted by the spy agencies in the US (motto : We've got an eye to spy!) and the impersonator could have to face serious trouble.

USA Secret Agent : "So, you want to spread terrorism in Guatemala!"

Impersonator : "No, no. I was just trying to make Govindraj look like a fool"

USASA : "Aah.. Code language, eh? We've got you cornered then. Interesting. (To his assistant) Get the Feds to find exactly which place in Guatemala is represented by Govindraj. (Turning back to the impersonator) Now, XYZ, what more do you have to say? Are you willing to accept that it was you who was responsible for the bombings in Mumbai, the riots in Pakistan, the tsunami that affected the south-eastern coast of India in 2004, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, global warming, and also do you accept that you are the reason that my coffee has become cold because I have been grilling you to try and get secrets out of you instead of sipping it and making an irritating noise that will drive you crazy in no time? Then you will be held in the correction centre where we will ensure that DNA tests are conducted to conclusively prove that you are related to both Osama and Saddam. Goddamm these people, they screw (pun unintended) all the world!"

Impersonator : (Desperately) "No, no, please. I was just trying to be a wise guy. I promise not to impersonate anyone in the future."

USASA : "That is IF you HAVE a future. Get the apparatus for the DNA test ready."

So, impersonating me is a dangerous business. I guess I should intimate my impersonator about his / her possible blood relation to Saddam and Osama. That is the least I can do to safeguard someone who has generated so much publicity for me. Not that you can fool DNA tests, but at least s/he will know why s/he is being incarcerated. Also, I need to notify the UN about the possibility of a nuclear strike being ordered by some radical factions which support me and are ready to die or kill for my cause (I don't know what my cause is!)

By the way, vaaalice viaagraa violence in egypt now for cheap. get top errikson for better pleasure. Thank you.