Shaky chairs; amongst other things

As I sit down to write this post, I realize that I am on the verge of conjuring up another mind-bogglingly insane, insouciant and irrelevant japery of an article. Also, I realize that since my weight is now near the tonne mark, I need to get a new chair. This old chair has a slight problem, in that both its armrests are broken, the legs are all wobbly and the back has lost all its foam. Other than that small trifling matter, the chair works fine. I am thankful to the kind people who run the hostel for this provision. Where would the world be if it weren't for wobbly chairs. I am talking about the political party chair. The one that wobbles when the alliance parties threaten to withdraw support.

The chair is exceedingly wobbly in Mumbai. Although there are no coalition parties in power (or are they? I wonder...) right now, the chair that hath the power is shaky. The whole house in power is rambunctious. (In case you are wondering why I am using such fundoo words, the answer is that I have just finished reading Robert Ludlum's latest novel.) Which brings me to the topic of the city itself. The base of this city is wobbly, because the city itself is nothing but seven islands joined together using, amongst other things, rocks, cement, soil and lingerie. I am not kidding! I have here a report from the American Journal of Research on Inane Topics (AJRIT) (motto : We are currently researching why the "I" is capital in our journal title) This article, sent in by alert reader anonymous (reader request for anonymity for fear of being bored to death by feminist groups claiming his involvement in the spread of the news about inappropriate uses of female innerwear) states that brassieres can effectively hold together a lot of material. It quotes John Doe of the American Institute of Amazingly Strong Holding Together Materials, "We are really amazed at the amount of material this thing can hold together. I cite here as Example A the brassiere owned by Pamela Anderson. This thing is capable of withstanding a shear stress of 20000 kilo newtons per metre squared!" I know that this is too technical for some readers, so let me explain. Basically, it means that the brassiere can withstand 20000 kilo newtons per metre squared of stress when it is in the sheared form.

Although we used a fantastic device for holding the city together, we committed a mistake by importing the same from our neighbouring country. You know the one that I am talking about. The one that sells batteries for two rupees in India. Batteries that run for as long as one whole hour before conking off! Its amazing that the brassieres have lasted so long. I think that the longevity of the cement is to be held responsible for this. Anyway, now that we know that the foundation of our city is lingerie, it shouldn't come as a surprise why the people here are constantly thinking of sex. While this is not necessarily true for the whole city, it is true for most of the people living in wards A, B, C, D, E, F / S, F / N, G / S, G /N, H / E, H / W, K / E, K / W, L, M / E, M / W, N, P / S, P / N, R / S, R / N, S and T. Not to forget those who live in the vicinity of the city.

I wonder why I had started writing this post in the first place. I had this idea of writing an article that would coruscate and exhibit my brillianct writing capabilities. However, all I have managed to do is antagonize the confreres of the Society of Online Women (SOW) I find that this particular society gets annoyed with me for anything I do, including writing about brassieres that are the very foundation of our society, ahem, I mean, the foundation of the city. I wonder what the reason for such hostility could be. I will have to ask the AJRIT to work on this.