The Lord Ganesha Arrives

Well, the city has been waiting for a year for its favourite deity to arrive. HE has arrived, and how! Already, we are hearing about people queuing for hours to get mithais (sweets), the large amounts of "vargani" (donations) that some Sarvajanik Ganesha Utsav Mandals have collected and of course, the traffic snarls that dot the city due to the processions. Nevertheless, people have once again gone all out for celebrating of this festival; one which is a source of joy and merriment for the harried masses that throng the public transport everyday, the old and the young alike.

The best thing about this particular festival can be described in two words : The Sweets. For a person with a sweet tooth, like the one that I have (and which keeps on egging me to go for that one additional pedha), this is the festival of plenty. I just cannot have enough and ergo, in the aftermath of this festival, I am left cursing my increasing waistline. That however, is a regular phenomenon and nothing to write home about. This article is mainly about my rendezvous with an organizer of a famous Sarvajanik Ganesha Utsav Mandal, whose name I shall not disclose for security reasons. For my own security, that is!

This organizer was in a particular rush and I had to interview him while he was running his errands. This caused me a small amount of discomfort, in the sense that there is a small amount of mountain in the Mount Everest. However, showing true journalist spirit as always, I did manage to keep up with him. Also, there was the matter of asking him inane and incongruous questions, as is wont of a journalist, but that didn't bother him. Here's a brief transcript of the same.

Me : "So, you are the person in charge of Falana Falana* Sarvajanik Ganesha Utsav Mandal. Tell me, what is the budget for this year?"

Organizer : (who is talking on his cell phone/s, with subordinates and also running at the same time) "Well, we are looking at a total of around seven thousand people in the vicinity of our Mandal. That alone makes it around several lakhs of rupees..."

Me : "Surely, to suggest that seven thousand people can dole out more than a lakh of rupees is outrageous! I mean, people of Mumbai are known for their stinginess. They wouldn't contribute money for their own funeral, if you know what I mean!"

Organizer : "Well, ingenuity is the solution. This year we came out with a scheme that says that there will be a lucky draw from the names of the people who fork out more than a thousand rupees. And the winner will get to meet a celebrity. That alone ensured that we got the money. We had the over enthusiastic volunteers (pointing towards some scruffy looking fellows, whose sinews looked like they had been just moulded in an iron smelting operation) from the Mandal on the standby. In case the offer failed to produce an effect, our boys would have used their powers of gentle personal suasion. But thankfully, that wasn't the case."

Me : (Hurriedly moving away from the enthusiastic volunteers) "Yes, yes. Of course. Which celebrity is it that the lucky person will get to meet?"

Organizer : "Well, we tried to get Rani to come over, but she refuses to come over as a chief guest for a bunch of hooligans. That has enraged us and we have issued a blanket ban in the city. We will see to it that she can never be the chief guest for any function organized in this city. Not that she would be the chief guest for any, anyway, because most of them are organized by hooligans. But that is besides the point."

Me : "Yes, of course. Such haughty people, these lot of celebrities. So, who are you getting to come over then?"

Organizer : "Well, talks are on with Sachin right now. But I am sure that he will be unable to make it. He must be busy with his own work. We can always fall back on the usual routine, though. The celebrity is stuck in the traffic and will make an appearance shortly. Case finished. Later, he / she sends his / her regrets for being unable to make it. And the lucky winner gets a ticket to Mauritius. Everybody happy!"

Me : "Really? A ticket to Mauritius? How much do I need to contribute for this event?"

Organizer : "Just between you and me, don't take the Mauritius offer to heart. That will ensure the prevention of a heart break."

Me : (Dejectedly) "Aah... Anyway, what activities are you planning this year to promote a feeling of brotherhood, like the great thinker Lokmanya Tilak had visualized?"

Organizer : "Well, we are getting some local artistes to perform. We like to encourage local talent. As regards the feeling of brotherhood, I am told that the volunteers have been told to mingle amongst the crowd and ensure the feeling of brotherhood. If people are found lacking in a show of brotherhood, they have the authority to take matters into hand. We need to ensure that people live in harmony together. Disharmony is intolerable."

Me : "Very much on the lines of the ban on the movie channels, then. Okay. Another question, what about the environmental concerns? Is your idol made of eco-friendly material? Have the colours that have been used bio-degradable? How about the flowers and other miscellany that are offered to the deity? How will you ensure that you reduce the solid waste produced?"

Organizer : "We have greased the palms of the local authorities. I think that answers all your questions."

Me : "Oh yes. There is hardly any problem that a little bit of greasing can't resolve. How about the sweets? What is on offer as Prasad?"

Organizer : "Well, as the contender for the Numero Uno Sarvajanik Ganesha Utsav Mandal in Mumbai, we have the best that the city has to offer. We have Piyush from Panshikar (Dadar), Khobra Vadi from Sapre (Goregaon), Pedhas from Laxmi (Bhandup) and Farsan from Saroj (Chembur). Also, as a special this year, we are getting Bakar Vadis from Chitale (Pune)."

Me : "Kindly lead me to the place where these are being offered!" (There is no need to say that by this time, I was drooling a bit, as in there is a bit of water in the Arabian Sea!)

Organizer : "Sure, but before that, there are some people who want to meet you." (points towards the overly enthusiastic volunteers)

Overly Enthusiastic Volunteers : "Kindly pay the vargani."

Me : "Of course. Where are my manners? Now where did I keep my wallet? Aah! Here it is. Here are a thousand rupees"

Overly Enthusiastic Volunteers : "We are sure that you will give us a special mention in your article. Thank you"

Me : "Of course. No problem. My lips are sealed. Thank you, Mr. Organizer for your valuable time."



* This is not the real name of the Sarvajanik Ganesha Utsav Mandal. You should know better by now!