At the outset, let me make this article useful by providing links to sites that actually tell you how to use shampoo.
Now that that's out of the way, I can safely get on with my own booger article! [Health tip: Following advice of booger journalists can lead to several tax-deductible hospitalizations. One needs to weigh the pros & cons of reduced income tax liabilities versus the dull and drab ceilings of hospitals. There is no competition, actually - tax deduction wins hands down!]
Okay. Welcome to the first ever how to guide for men from The Authority on men's hygiene and other issues. Today's topic for brother neanderthals is: How to Shampoo. A typical male will use any soap available (if he uses soap i.e.) on his hair whereas a typical female will consume at least a gazillion litres of shampoo, conditioner, stabilizer, shining pearl drops and what not (and that is just till her pubescent period) I know typical males reading this article are probably sniggering at the words pubescence and period. I just have the following piece of useless advice for them: grow up!!! I say useless because I know guys never grow up. I am a living example of a typical guy! :)
Anyway, since the male species is absolutely uninformed about the use of the shampoo (though they may be intensely involved in the manufacture of it), let me advise menfolk of the world on the benefits of shampooing as it were:
1. It makes your hair shiny
2. It helps remove split ends
3. Your hair feels smoother and men will want to touch it (not much utility for guys from this particular function)
4. Your hair will smell great
5. blah blah blah
Essentially, everything that you have right now, except that you get the pleasure of spending a few thousand rupees on all of it, with the security of the knowledge that all the chemicals and surfactants in the shampoo are probably ringing the death knell for your hairs and their roots. That apart, there is also the advantage from using shampoo that in social circles, you can disdainfully cluck at other nescient males and guffaw when they speak about which soap the jocks use to rid themselves of grease and muck.
So here, I present to you, the guide to using shampoos:
1. Taking a bath: To be covered later in this series of articles (maybe. if I ever get around to getting a bath myself!)
2. Look for shampoo in the bathroom - bachelors living in their own pads (pads! hah!) can skip this step. This step is applicable for males having female relatives
3. Realize that there is no shampoo for "Cro-Magnon Man hair". There is only shampoo for hair with split ends, soft hair, root strengthening shampoo, conditioner, daily use pearl drops, etc. i.e. no form of hair vaguely resembling the teeming mass growing on your head
4. Make mental note to buy Shampoo for Men from chemist shop
5. Forget about shampooing for two weeks
6. Finally buy shampoo for men
7. When taking a bath, grope around in the bathroom looking for shampoo because you have soap in your eyes
8. Find shampoo and use it lavishly on head. With the extra foam, clean other parts of the body
9. Wash off
10. Panic! You see a large black swirling mass on the bathroom floor that you think is a large insect from some horror movie you saw a week ago
11. Relax, as you realize that its all your own hair!
12. Your own hair!!! Look at shampoo bottle! Its not shampoo, its Fem Body Hair removal lotion
13. Console yourself by saying that since you have used it on your face also, there is no need to shave now [never mind that you are missing eyebrows also]
14. Vow never to fall into the trap of using items meant for female consumption
That's all there is to it! I hope you have found this first edition of Random musings How to Guide for Men useful. Do come back and check out later for more informative articles for men in the battle against social ignominy!
/radgovin
