Valentine's Day

The problem with Valentine's Day (other than the fact that such a stupid day actually exists) is that on this day, Government Regulations require you to confess your love to one female. You are right. I am kidding. The real Regulation goes thus :

To whomsoever it may concern :
We, the Constitutioners of India, by the Powers vested (wasted?) in us hereby do declare the following
On the Fourteenth of the Second Month of every year, every male shall have to propose to women, and in the act of doing so have to consume at least three pairs of sandals, two pairs of high heels and any other miscellany that the woman deems fit for his consumption.

Second Amendment :
In case the woman in question does respond positively to the aforesaid proposal, the proposee (hereonwards known as the mortgagee) will sign a non-conditional surrender of all his properties, material or otherwise and start living like a hermit. The proposed reserves the right to manhandle, mutilate, murder, maul and any other miscellany that she wishes to the proposee.


Glossary

Expletives : the words that a female uses to praise the proposee. Leading eg. Besharam, Chor, Naalaayak, et al.

Hermit : defined as a person who lives a spartan life. Also called Husband.

High heels : the footwear of women designed to leave a deep gash on the proposee. Very useful against the persistent proposee.

Male : defined as a human being with a brain the size of half a peanut, who has the following tendencies : scratching himself in full public view, dressing up with mismatching pairs of socks, and in general having no business existing on the planet in the first place.

Propose : defined as the process of setting fire to your own house, not literally but figuratively.

Sandals : women's footwear that is effective against only the less persistent proposee. It is more effective when used in combination with High heels or Expletives.

Whole : almost equal to zero.

Woman : a class of human beings that is a class apart. This species has a brain the size of a whole peanut. While it is true that the plural of woman may be women, this has got nothing to do with the fact that the general IQ of women is less than that of a woman. That is because, each woman thinks that she is smarter than the rest of her species and therefore, the others contribute to the lowering of the IQ average.

Women : defined as human beings with a brain the size of three-fourths of a peanut, who have the following tendencies : always thinking and doing things rightly, always thinking and saying the right things and in general, never stop saying anything

Guys out there are probably thinking where they could find my phone number. Then they would call me up and personally congratulate me for having the guts to actually sit down and read the Constitution. Actually, they will congratulate me for having the guts to write the truth. But that is the kind of a person I am. I don't mind reading kilometres of utter rubbish to find out an ounce of truth. And yes, I don't mind writing the truth either! :-)