On Personal Hygiene

You come across them all the time, don't you? People (who I suppose themselves bathe at least thirty three times a day, give or take a few based on whether there is a water shortage in their area), experts in their own rights, advising you on how to maintain personal hygiene. You find them in huge bunches at social gatherings. They are the ones emitting deo fragrance rays visible to the nake eye (Thanks to Mr. Dave Barry for this line) And the moment they are within earshot distance of you, they talk in whispers. At least they think they talk in whispers.

"THAT GUY SMELLS SO BAD. I WISH HE WOULD MOVE AWAY! WHO INVITED HIM?"
"YES. YOU ARE RIGHT. HE SMELLS REALLY BAD. HE REMINDS ME OF THE GARBAGE DUMP IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE"
"SPEAKING OF GARBAGE DUMPS, I WONDER WHAT THE BMC IS GOING TO DO ABOUT THE GARBAGE THIS YEAR. I HOPE THE MITHI DOESN'T GET CLOGGED AGAIN"
"YEAH. LAST YEAR, DURING THE FLOODS, ALL THE GUTTER WATER ROSE UP AND CAME INTO MY HOUSE. THE SHIT HIT THE FAN, LITERALLY! IT WAS STINKING REALLY BAD"
"YEAH. THE BMC MUST BE BLAMED FOR ALL OF THIS. HE LOOKS LIKE THE BMC GUY. HE SMELLS SO BAD. I WISH HE WOULD MOVE AWAY! WHO INVITED HIM?"
"YES. YOU ARE RIGHT. HE SMELLS REALLY BAD. HE REMINDS ME OF THE GARBAGE DUMP IN FRONT OF MY OFFICE"

And so it goes, the conversation of these thirty three timers which is nothing more than random neural firings converted to speech by the vocal chords in their throats. I wish I could dump some garbage from the dumps in front of their homes (/offices) into their mouths. Although their bodies are clean, their mouths are filthy. These are the gossip mongers and how I would like to shut them up for good. They are the people that film magazines source their material from. Clean bodies, dirty minds. I'd rather have it the other way round. This doesn't mean that I don't indulge in personal hygiene (Is indulge the word I am looking for? Doesn't indulging happen occasionally?) I do invest in my body and I do take a bath or two regularly. In fact, sometimes I take as many as two or sometimes even three baths in a day. It depends on the compensation factor. This is a very complex factor I have come up with. Based on whether I am stinking bad or really bad (decided based on the reactions of the neighbouring building residents. If people from Building No. 20 call me (I am in 12) then the situation is a national emergency) I decide whether or not to take the one extra bath that I previously mentioned. I don't see what the big deal is anyway. I am an Environmental Engineer and I am doing my bit to save water for the nation. So, three baths a day, once in a month is good enough, no?